Never Ending Story...Grown-up Edition

A week after my last post my husband's grandfather passed away sort of unexpectedly; he had been very sick, but what he had been sick with isn't what killed him.  This caused family to turn on one another, and we've seen very true colors come out of some people that were very unexpected and sad.  On top of that our landlord is backing out on everything he promised us when we moved in, so now we're in the market to move once more (thankfully it's a month to month basis).  Oh, and vehicle problems still.  I'm not "down in the dumps" or depressed about anything, I wouldn't even say I'm frustrated, I guess it's just ironic to see "history repeat itself" in such a short amount of time.  Hopefully this will be the last move we have to make before we are able to buy or build our forever home.  We should have 1 new vehicle right around Christmas and hopefully be able to go buy a new (to us) one shortly thereafter.  Sadly we can't distance ourselves from family.  Not even sad that we can't, but sad that even on a small scale we should want to.  People wondered why I didn't want to graduate from high school, I think I knew then what most of my classmates didn't - life was easy.  Even for all the "problems" we had then, some very real, none of us could have seen what problems awaited us in the future.  Sometimes I wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now.  But then that's not growing and living, and I'd be missing out on some very amazing things in my life right now.  I guess it's a contemplative day.  Now however I need to "contemplate" getting in the shower and going to work, I apparently wrote down my schedule wrong and just got a call from my boss telling me I'm late (crazy retail Christmas hours), but on the plus side I don't have to work as late as I thought :)

Doin' the Cha Cha

As my last few posts have already stated, 2015 into the beginning of 2016 was a very difficult time for me, and I didn't really have the energy to keep up with either blog.  Most days I'm ok, some days I'm not ok.  A lot of times they cross over.  I mentioned in passing in another post that I got married in December of 2015.  I can't express how thankful I am for that man.  He is my best friend, my rock, my biggest help and supporter no matter what I'm going through.  If he can handle the hot mess of an emotional roller coaster I was last year he's going to be able to handle anything! ;)  At the end of July we moved into a trailer out in the country and it has been so good for us!  It's so peaceful and quiet, we can relax and be ourselves, it gives us time to just enjoy each other's company, we love it so much!  He's been doing so well in his job, he just passed his CDL test so he'll be getting a raise, I found a job closer to where we live so that's always nice, I'm only traveling 30 minutes instead of an hour.  I've had 4 nieces and nephews born since we've gotten married, babies everywhere and I'm in love haha :)  (my wallet may not be though lol).  Most days I'm really able to see all the blessings I have in life.  I'm closer to my mom and great-grandmother and church now, I have so many close friends that are supportive of me, we're finally able to set money aside for the FUTURE, it almost feels like we're grown ups.  And then some days, like today when it's dreary and drizzly, and pictures and memories come across my newsfeed on facebook, I get sad all over again.  Back in March on instagram I wrote "I think that sometimes moving on/recovering from great loss is less about feeling better than it is about knowing it's ok to not feel better.  Sometimes it's about allowing yourself to take a step back and grieve some more before taking those next few steps forward."  Life's a dance, happy sad, give and take.  It's comforting to know that even when I sit back and cry and miss people dearly that it's natural and part of life.

Sunday School Breaks for the Summer...or not.

Sorry I haven't written in a while, my husband and I have been busy with fixing cars while simultaneously trying to save money to move, and packing slowly here and there.  Needless to say I've been a bit distracted with organizing, deep cleaning, pulling my hair out because of vehicles, you know, life.  As we all know part of the craziness that is life is that it never stops and there's always something more on one's plate than the here and now.  My something more currently is preparing to teach Sunday school this coming school year.  I have the blessing of teaching the youth group at my church, which is also mildly terrifying because, well, teens, and I have to say I believe I have the best group of teens I've ever met.  They like to be involved, they like to learn, Sunday school is never long enough for them, they ask me hard questions that I often don't immediately know the answer to, they make me search things out and without realizing it they often teach me.  And sometimes the things I'm studying for THEM, not myself specifically, teach me quite a bit, things I may not have learned otherwise.  This coming year we are going to be focused on giving and giving back, and having a spirit of mercy.  Being kind, loving, thoughtful, considerate, putting others first, selfless.  All these things that sound much easier than they actually are, and today I was given a kick in the pants lesson about it.  A family at my parent's church have 5 children of their own, an adopted child, and they are in the process of adopting another child.  I just found out today that their house burnt down completely this past Sunday evening.  I'll be honest, my first thought was basically, well maybe this is a sign that you shouldn't be adopting another kid esp. since you don't have a place to live.  It's crazy to have that many kids.  And as soon as I thought it I mentally slapped myself in the face.  How DARE I think such a thought?  How can I think about teaching my kids about being merciful with an attitude like that?  Note: I'm not berating myself too harshly because the problem is that I'm human and far from perfect and I've changed my thought pattern and moved on.  I have 10 nieces and nephews and while I love them all dearly I would never offer to watch them all at once, I would lose my mind.  Point being that if a family feels led to add child #7 to their family they have CLEARLY prayed and thought about it and feel led by God to do so, so who am I to judge?  Yes, their house burning down is a trial that God has allowed them to go through, but I for sure have no answers as to why so I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions of any sort, but instead praying for them and doing what I can to help them.  Sunday school is never done for the teachers.

Sometimes Life Gets You Down

It's been a while since I've posted anything, I haven't been up to it truthfully.  As it is this one will likely be short.  Last year was so hard, thankfully I went into it with the mindset that I would make the best of the year no matter what happened, and I did that pretty successfully.  Then this year started the same way and at this point I'm just drained completely.  And all my nieces and nephews are far away from me now :(  I finally talked myself into buying new socks - don't try and kid yourself you know it's one of the least pleasant things to buy, topped only by new undies - and then I found $3 clearance sneakers and slip on shoes...only to have the backs come up higher than my new socks so I get blisters -_-  Also, super long story short, I have to move because of idiocy. I know I'm complaining which I try not to do, but today everything hit me all at once, 9 deaths in less than a year, family turning their back on you in a time of need, just all sorts of poopiness, it's to the point that the sneaker situation is a major problem because that's the only way I handle things at this point...I need a vacation, and I don't even have a full week from work to take :/  Again, I know I'm complaining, but I just need to get this all out.  And here's as good a place as any I guess.  Before you start judging me for not "being happy because God..." trust me when I say I'm very aware of God in my life right now, I need Him all the time obviously but right now quite a bit.  I know I have it better than most of the world, than a lot of people around me even, but that doesn't change the fact that life sucks right at this very moment and it's hard and it's made me cry multiple times lately.  I know it'll all work out in the end, it always does because God's plans are so much bigger and better thought out than mine, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to go to my best friends house tomorrow and eat raw brownie batter and hopefully watch a really sad chick flick so I can just cry and get it all out.  I'll get there, I just needed to get all this out there.  I'll end on a bright spot though, I got married in December