Personality Studies

I have a very good friend from when I lived in SC that I've been talking to quite a bit again lately, for various reasons we lost touch for a few years, and because of things going on in both of our lives and the discussions we've been having it's been brought up that we're both INFJ personality type.  Which is awesome to finally figure out that one of your dearest friends is the same type as you when it's so rare (about 1% of the population for those who don't know).  Out of curiosity I wanted to know what type my husband is, but I didn't think he'd be willing to sit down and actually go through the test so I did it without him to see if the answer I got was at least close to how I see him.  Spot on.  Which is ironic in 2 aspects; 1: I shouldn't have doubted myself and my knowledge of him given my personality type, and 2: given his, ESTP, it's no wonder at all that he wouldn't have actually sat down to do the test.  As you I'm sure noticed, we're polar opposites personality wise, which worried me for a bit when I first got his result.  Did I make a mistake marrying him, are we doomed to fail?  I know that it's way more than personality that makes a marriage but that's still a big part of it, and to have two people together where one loves deep meaningful conversations and the other by nature avoids them...I felt there was a lot to be concerned about.  But then I recalled my friend telling me about paradox-type personalities.  Like a color wheel, opposites complement each other, and it's the same for personalities.  You keep the Sensing or iNtuitive part, but the other letters switch, which would put me as ENTP and my husband as ISFJ.  Neither of those types fit us 100% like our actual ones do, but there are aspects of them that are pretty spot on, and it explains a lot for when either of us seem "off".  Also, I feel like the CP's (complementary personalities) help us understand each other and our needs better, which helps us work as a couple.  It's been fascinating to study so far and I'm really excited to keep digging, maybe I can catch him on a good day and chat with him about it to help him understand me better (even though sometimes I still don't understand myself).  My friend has started a blog, infjinside.com where she will be talking about what her life is like as an INFJ to try and help people understand us better and to also understand herself better, and she has invited me to write from time to time, so you may see me there, who knows!  It's in the beginning stages right now, but I'm super excited for her to get going with it and to study all this with her!  Till next time :)

Musings

"Lead on, O King Eternal, til sin's fierce war shall cease, and holiness shall whisper the sweet amen of peace; for not with swords loud clashing, nor roll of stirring drums, with deeds of love and mercy the heav'nly kingdom comes."
While I'm grateful to live in a country with so much freedom, America has made me so sad since I've been old enough to be truly aware of what goes on in the country.  We (as a whole, I know there are many people who are kind and good and generous etc. but I say we because I feel this is how other countries view us sadly) are so selfish and hateful and so self-absorbed that we can't focus on what is actually important in life.  We're so busy "bettering ourselves" that we're not bettering the country.  So many riots, killings, hateful words spoken because of a difference of opinion, hateful opinions and accusations being thrown around because somebody makes a mistake; we're a country divided, and I fear for us.  And now we have a new President that many people vehemently speak against, those in support say it's because the others didn't get their way when truly if Clinton had won those in support of Trump would likely be doing the same thing.  We raise ourselves up and fail to see that if we were in other's shoes we'd be doing the same thing they are and justifying our actions as quickly as we condemn theirs.
The past few years have been filled with hate against blacks, gays, women, and with TALK about how that needs to change but no ACTIONS to go along with the talk (again, I know that there's exceptions but those exceptions aren't brought up in media outlets enough and therefore mostly unheard of).  There may be small groups of people who rally around the victims - family, friends, etc. - but we as a nation don't rally to do anything.  Until, ironically, President Trump was elected.  We have let rape, shootings in gay bars, hate crimes, etc. go without being so worked up, but one man is elected and SAYS things (I know some things he said were about things he's done but my point is in this particular instance he was speaking not doing anything) and an estimated 1 MILLION people got worked up enough to protest against him in the streets.  Now, unlike many people I'm not here to say those people shouldn't have done what they did.  One of the many great freedoms of living in this country is the ability to do just that, so yes, go out and protest what you need to, speak up, let your voice be heard, stand behind what you believe.  But please don't stop there.  Can you imagine if each of those 1 million people donated $10 do Planned Parenthood? (*This is not about me supporting or not supporting anything/one, but bringing up points of the protest.*)  What about if even a quarter of those people started up free self defense classes for women?  Or how about helping to teach boys how to be gentlemen?  Can you imagine 250,000 people willing to go out and teach boys that stuff?  "Attendees cited everything from immigration, climate change, foreign aid, racism, income inequality, healthcare, LGBT rights and police brutality as their motivation to be there." I may not know how people could help with those things, but I'm sure there are ways, esp. if they mean so much to you.  I know we're all busy but if you can spend an hour? two hours? however long you were out protesting, surely you can take that time and invest it into helping someone or something somewhere.  What would happen in this country if 1 million people took an hour out of their day to really help somebody?  If we really want to show that we won't put up with what has been happening, or what people in positions of authority say is O.K. then we need to do more than just talk about it and tell them that we think they are wrong.  We can talk all day long but at the end of the day it's all just talk, getting out there and actually doing something, like supporting a facility that you care about and is being threatened, is the only way to make changes.  And not hatefully, stop focusing on what's wrong and focus on how to make things right.  Be loving, be merciful.

Never Ending Story...Grown-up Edition

A week after my last post my husband's grandfather passed away sort of unexpectedly; he had been very sick, but what he had been sick with isn't what killed him.  This caused family to turn on one another, and we've seen very true colors come out of some people that were very unexpected and sad.  On top of that our landlord is backing out on everything he promised us when we moved in, so now we're in the market to move once more (thankfully it's a month to month basis).  Oh, and vehicle problems still.  I'm not "down in the dumps" or depressed about anything, I wouldn't even say I'm frustrated, I guess it's just ironic to see "history repeat itself" in such a short amount of time.  Hopefully this will be the last move we have to make before we are able to buy or build our forever home.  We should have 1 new vehicle right around Christmas and hopefully be able to go buy a new (to us) one shortly thereafter.  Sadly we can't distance ourselves from family.  Not even sad that we can't, but sad that even on a small scale we should want to.  People wondered why I didn't want to graduate from high school, I think I knew then what most of my classmates didn't - life was easy.  Even for all the "problems" we had then, some very real, none of us could have seen what problems awaited us in the future.  Sometimes I wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now.  But then that's not growing and living, and I'd be missing out on some very amazing things in my life right now.  I guess it's a contemplative day.  Now however I need to "contemplate" getting in the shower and going to work, I apparently wrote down my schedule wrong and just got a call from my boss telling me I'm late (crazy retail Christmas hours), but on the plus side I don't have to work as late as I thought :)

Doin' the Cha Cha

As my last few posts have already stated, 2015 into the beginning of 2016 was a very difficult time for me, and I didn't really have the energy to keep up with either blog.  Most days I'm ok, some days I'm not ok.  A lot of times they cross over.  I mentioned in passing in another post that I got married in December of 2015.  I can't express how thankful I am for that man.  He is my best friend, my rock, my biggest help and supporter no matter what I'm going through.  If he can handle the hot mess of an emotional roller coaster I was last year he's going to be able to handle anything! ;)  At the end of July we moved into a trailer out in the country and it has been so good for us!  It's so peaceful and quiet, we can relax and be ourselves, it gives us time to just enjoy each other's company, we love it so much!  He's been doing so well in his job, he just passed his CDL test so he'll be getting a raise, I found a job closer to where we live so that's always nice, I'm only traveling 30 minutes instead of an hour.  I've had 4 nieces and nephews born since we've gotten married, babies everywhere and I'm in love haha :)  (my wallet may not be though lol).  Most days I'm really able to see all the blessings I have in life.  I'm closer to my mom and great-grandmother and church now, I have so many close friends that are supportive of me, we're finally able to set money aside for the FUTURE, it almost feels like we're grown ups.  And then some days, like today when it's dreary and drizzly, and pictures and memories come across my newsfeed on facebook, I get sad all over again.  Back in March on instagram I wrote "I think that sometimes moving on/recovering from great loss is less about feeling better than it is about knowing it's ok to not feel better.  Sometimes it's about allowing yourself to take a step back and grieve some more before taking those next few steps forward."  Life's a dance, happy sad, give and take.  It's comforting to know that even when I sit back and cry and miss people dearly that it's natural and part of life.

Sunday School Breaks for the Summer...or not.

Sorry I haven't written in a while, my husband and I have been busy with fixing cars while simultaneously trying to save money to move, and packing slowly here and there.  Needless to say I've been a bit distracted with organizing, deep cleaning, pulling my hair out because of vehicles, you know, life.  As we all know part of the craziness that is life is that it never stops and there's always something more on one's plate than the here and now.  My something more currently is preparing to teach Sunday school this coming school year.  I have the blessing of teaching the youth group at my church, which is also mildly terrifying because, well, teens, and I have to say I believe I have the best group of teens I've ever met.  They like to be involved, they like to learn, Sunday school is never long enough for them, they ask me hard questions that I often don't immediately know the answer to, they make me search things out and without realizing it they often teach me.  And sometimes the things I'm studying for THEM, not myself specifically, teach me quite a bit, things I may not have learned otherwise.  This coming year we are going to be focused on giving and giving back, and having a spirit of mercy.  Being kind, loving, thoughtful, considerate, putting others first, selfless.  All these things that sound much easier than they actually are, and today I was given a kick in the pants lesson about it.  A family at my parent's church have 5 children of their own, an adopted child, and they are in the process of adopting another child.  I just found out today that their house burnt down completely this past Sunday evening.  I'll be honest, my first thought was basically, well maybe this is a sign that you shouldn't be adopting another kid esp. since you don't have a place to live.  It's crazy to have that many kids.  And as soon as I thought it I mentally slapped myself in the face.  How DARE I think such a thought?  How can I think about teaching my kids about being merciful with an attitude like that?  Note: I'm not berating myself too harshly because the problem is that I'm human and far from perfect and I've changed my thought pattern and moved on.  I have 10 nieces and nephews and while I love them all dearly I would never offer to watch them all at once, I would lose my mind.  Point being that if a family feels led to add child #7 to their family they have CLEARLY prayed and thought about it and feel led by God to do so, so who am I to judge?  Yes, their house burning down is a trial that God has allowed them to go through, but I for sure have no answers as to why so I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions of any sort, but instead praying for them and doing what I can to help them.  Sunday school is never done for the teachers.

Sometimes Life Gets You Down

It's been a while since I've posted anything, I haven't been up to it truthfully.  As it is this one will likely be short.  Last year was so hard, thankfully I went into it with the mindset that I would make the best of the year no matter what happened, and I did that pretty successfully.  Then this year started the same way and at this point I'm just drained completely.  And all my nieces and nephews are far away from me now :(  I finally talked myself into buying new socks - don't try and kid yourself you know it's one of the least pleasant things to buy, topped only by new undies - and then I found $3 clearance sneakers and slip on shoes...only to have the backs come up higher than my new socks so I get blisters -_-  Also, super long story short, I have to move because of idiocy. I know I'm complaining which I try not to do, but today everything hit me all at once, 9 deaths in less than a year, family turning their back on you in a time of need, just all sorts of poopiness, it's to the point that the sneaker situation is a major problem because that's the only way I handle things at this point...I need a vacation, and I don't even have a full week from work to take :/  Again, I know I'm complaining, but I just need to get this all out.  And here's as good a place as any I guess.  Before you start judging me for not "being happy because God..." trust me when I say I'm very aware of God in my life right now, I need Him all the time obviously but right now quite a bit.  I know I have it better than most of the world, than a lot of people around me even, but that doesn't change the fact that life sucks right at this very moment and it's hard and it's made me cry multiple times lately.  I know it'll all work out in the end, it always does because God's plans are so much bigger and better thought out than mine, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to go to my best friends house tomorrow and eat raw brownie batter and hopefully watch a really sad chick flick so I can just cry and get it all out.  I'll get there, I just needed to get all this out there.  I'll end on a bright spot though, I got married in December

Celebration of Life

We had Grampie's celebration of life tonight, the burial is tomorrow.  I felt bad because I didn't cry really during it, I have no tears left to cry.  This summer has emotionally drained me like never before.  I'm exhausted on all fronts: mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I need to sleep for approximately 7551 years.  Give or take.  It was a beautiful ceremony, the flowers were gorgeous, there were funny and sweet pictures, the message of salvation (which Grampie had 2 different ones in his Bible and one was used for part of the message) was so clear and comforting.  Everybody shared such good memories during the ceremony, and of course my dad's cousin Wendy made everybody cry again with her memories (she did the same thing at my Grammie's ceremony).  I just didn't cry.  I shed maybe 2 tears during Wendy's stories, but that was it.  It'll hit me eventually, once I've had time to build up some emotion again, then it'll all go away in one fell swoop.  It's going to be a roller coaster ride for a while, and it's going to take a very long time to recover from this summer.  Thank goodness I have crafts to keep my hands busy while my mind wanders and tries to recover.  Hopefully I'll be going out soon to get the fabric I need for my Christmas presents, and I need to find sales on mason jars.  For now I'm going to work on finishing the afghan I was originally making for Grammie while she was in the nursing home so I can snuggle with it this winter.  Til next time.