Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

Of all the things I promised I'd do at the beginning of this year, I'm glad the one I've kept is that this year would be better than last year.  Let me rephrase, my attitude about the year would be better, no matter what happened.  Truthfully this has been the hardest year of my life so far.  Start the year off with major money struggles, in April we found out my boyfriend's mom (who I also considered a mother) had stage 4 colon cancer, that same month my dad's mom went into a hospital as her health was declining very fast and she passed at the beginning of July, in the middle of August my boyfriend's mom passed, in September my cousin's grandfather (non-mutual, but always treated me like one of his own) passed, and now my dad's dad is getting ready to go into hospice as his time is drawing to an end.  That doesn't include the every day struggles life will throw one's way.  Needless to say my resolution to stop going to Dunkin Donuts has been very wishy washy.  I'm exhausted, I've been stress eating so I've gained about 20 pounds, and I have almost no more tears left.  I helped Grampie with his lunch today in the hospital, and just about had to feed him his supper.  He's so different from the man that taught me to ride a bike, play badmitton, who convinced me that $.25 a brown paper lunch bag was a substantial amount of money for picking acorns out of his yard, who I'd sit and watch do paint-by-numbers, puzzles, stained glass, make ornaments for Christmas.  He has always been so strong, and he's so weak now.  I'm not ready for this.  I'm not ok.  But I keep reminding myself that God has a plan, that He's in control, that I'll see all these people again.  So I keep telling myself that I AM ok, and someday I will be.  Not today, probably not before next year honestly, but I will be.  And that's all I really need to know right now.