Never Give Up On God

Tiki is back and adjusting well, at least until the kitten tries to play with her. She's getting better though. I have to leave my door open now and all the cats tend to go in my room because they couldn't before, I almost feel like I should just move to the living room and let them have my room.

Can I just stop for a minute and say that God is good? Because He is! I mentioned in a previous post that there was somebody who I was going to try to "love the socks off" of. (If you didn't read it: there is a person I know and we haven't gotten along well for a while now and they had done something that made me want to completely block them from my life, but I was thinking about what love, the kind of love that drove Christ to die on the cross for the very people that nailed him there, was and in thinking about it I came to the realization that I couldn't give up on them, that I had to keep trying to fix what was wrong. That's the short version.) Anyhow, I saw this person just recently, and that day things were said that I hadn't expected, good things, and the next day I was told by someone else that this person was realizing that we can indeed have a good relationship (that's the short, sweet, and simple version of what was said).

Imagine if I had given up? Things would have been so much different. I was expecting the same things to just keep on happening, I didn't think anything would change, but I decided to trust God and keep trying and look what He did for me! I know things aren't going to be completely better tomorrow, or even next week, there will be ups and downs along the way, but it's happening now. This prayer that I've had for so long is being answered! I didn't necessarily like how long it took, but even in that God had a plan, because I learned to never give up on Him. He never ever gives up on us, but it's so easy for us to stop trusting Him and stop believing that He's doing anything about the situation, when all along He has things completely under control and is timing everything so it happens at the best time for everybody. Certain things have happened recently that are going to allow me to see this person a lot more than I used to be able to, and I think that's another reason it took so long, because now we can actually see each other and fix things, instead of over the phone or e-mail, which is always better. God works in the details, He sees the big picture, and He knows what's best, I just have to keep trusting him and never, ever give up on Him.

My Baby's Coming Home!!!

So my kitty is getting here Saturday and I'm uber excited!! I spent all day cleaning the living room and kitchen and now all I have left to do is clean my room so she doesn't kill herself in and amongst all the booby-traps. That's going to be an ongoing project lol. My other baby, Rhett, is growing way too fast. My roommate and I went to Petsmart the other day and I saw a Chinese Water Dragon the size of Rhett when I first got him and then there was another one in there the size of Rhett now and the difference is HUGE!!! I didn't realize it until I saw those two.

Anyhow, enough about my babies, I'm gonna go start cleaning my room :)

Love His Socks Off

So quick update: my friend and I found an apartment and are moved in finally! I'm getting my cat back Saturday, which will be a total of 2 cats, a kitten, a lizard, and a hamster in the apartment. And there's been talk of getting a turtle. We're going to charge admission to come see the animals eventually ;) My brother is going to be in Japan by the end of the week, I'm nervous and excited for him all at once. And that's about all the updates I have for now, life has slowed down quite a bit which I'm happy about :)

We still have overtime at work which means I've still got hours to think about random things. The other day I started thinking about how I know I really love my boyfriend. I'm not going where you probably think I'm going, I'm not talking about all the little random things I like about him. I mean actual love. Agape love. For those of you who don't know Greek, agape love is the purest form of love, the form of love God has for each of us. I got to thinking that if love, especially agape love, started with God it has to be like God. So what is God like?

He's unconditional, unchanging, forgiving, loyal, kind, gracious. He's a lot of other things, but I'll leave it at that for now. For those curious, yes I do love my boyfriend, it wasn't that I doubted it, it was more or less that it crossed my mind so I thought about it type thing. My point with this post though isn't to talk about my love life. Well, not exactly anyway. It's to focus on the fact that true love, agape love, is unconditional.

There are certain people that I don't get along with very well, or that my relationship with them is very strained, and sometimes they do things that really upset me. That happened the other day with one of those people, and I was so upset about what had happened that I decided after a certain day I was going to completely block that person out of my life. I've tried fixing our relationship but that person either doesn't acknowledge it or denies it, and then sits there and does nothing to fix it and thinks it's perfectly fine. This particular person is one that I really shouldn't just give up on or I would have by now, because normally I cut people like that out of my life as quick as possible. When I was thinking about all the love stuff the other day at work, this person randomly popped into my head, and I was reminded that unconditional means just that, unconditional. It doesn't matter what the person does, I don't necessarily have to like or respect them, but I have to love them. And that means I can't give up on them no matter how much i may want to. It wasn't a very thrilling thought at the time, and it still isn't to be honest, because I know it's a long, tiring, and frustrating road ahead of me, but I'm not going to give up on that person. I had a boss one time that used to tell me to "bless his socks off," about certain people that were hard to love. I'm going to amend that just a little and say, about that person, that i'm going to "love his socks off."

And now...bed time :) night world!

Stronger

So it's been a VERY long time since I've last posted. I do apologize, but I've been so busy it's ridiculous. Big things that have happened? I got a lizard a couple weeks ago, his name is Rhett (from Gone With the Wind). I've been dating my best friend for a month as of the 8th of May. We STILL have overtime at work, I think we're going to have it until doomsday. And my friend and I are looking for an apartment, which we will hopefully find soon.



I must admit, it's been an introspective year thus far, especially while I'm at work until 2am. For various reasons I've been thinking about my most recent ex a lot lately, not because I miss him or want to get back together with him, but because things have reminded me of him and I can't seem to get him out of my head, which I don't enjoy very much I have to admit. Anyhow, seeings as I can't stop remembering things about him recently I just let my mind wander with it the other night at work. I thought about how I still have things tat he gave me while we were dating and I was questioning why in the world I still have them. And I finally figured out why.

I think all I have left are a few cards and a pair of flip flops, an odd mix I know. It was the cards mostly that got me thinking. To me, the cards represent good times we shared, the flip flops too but not quite like the cards. They remind me that it wasn't all bad, they make him seem more...human? Kind? More like what I thought he was. Something happened to me when I was little that took me 13 years to get over, because all I remembered was the bad stuff, I forgot that the other person involved had actually been my friend. And frankly, I don't want the same thing to happen; I don't want to forget that while bad things happen good things do too; I don't want to start thinking that every guy is going to do to me what he did and start fearing guys because I've forgotten that at one point we did get along and were friends and loved each other.

But I'm 20 now, almost 21. And honestly, I don't need reminders, I can remember all on my own. Well, in theory anyway, I am a blonde... ;) But I also don't want to feel like I'm running away from him and that the only way I can get over it is to have every reminder of him gone, because frankly that's impossible. Almost every time I turn the radio on I'm reminded of him. So...I'm tossing the cards and such, because those are just reminders, but I'm keeping the flip flops, because technically I bought them, but also because I want to remind myself that I can think of him without it getting to me, I want to remind myself that I'm bigger and stronger than what happened and that it doesn't matter how often I think of him or what makes me think of him-I'm going to be all right.

Probably a boring post for most, but it was exciting for me today lol :) Anyway, off to bed so I can rest up for my busy day tomorrow :) Night world!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk

Easier said than done

I'm not entirely sure why, but quite a few of my friends come to me for advice on a regular basis. I don't mind, I'm more than happy to help them if I can, and sometimes I am able to learn things in the process as well.

One thing I've learned is that advice is a lot easier to give than it is to receive. Like I said, I'm more than willing to help a friend in need, but when it comes my turn to get advice...not so big on taking it. Another thing I've learned is that when you tell somebody the right thing to do...it's easier said than done.

I have a friend who, because of things in his past, is scared of being in a serious relationship with somebody. He was hurt very badly by somebody and now is afraid it might happen again. I can't blame him, having experienced similar hurt myself. He's asked me for advice, and really what do you say? It'll get better in time? Time's already passed and it's not helping. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and try again. And that's basically what I told him, sometimes you just have to face a fear head on and make yourself do something that could potentially hurt again, but could also help things get better. It's a risk. Life is a risk.

But I also have certain fears that I have trouble getting over. Things from my past make it difficult and scary sometimes to do certain things, or handle certain things. I could tell my friend all day long till I'm blue in the face to face his fear, but when it comes to me? Different story all together.

Unfortunately though, because I didn't face my fears this time, I ended up hurting somebody very dear to me in the process. The things you do in life don't just affect you, it ripples out to all sorts of other people. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not such a good thing. This...not such a good thing. Hopefully I can fix what went wrong, judging by things that were said this afternoon/evening I think there's a pretty good chance of that, but even still it'll take a while for things to get back to "normal".

Lesson of the day: just because something may not be easy to do doesn't mean I don't have to do it. I can't focus on myself and what I'm afraid of, sometimes I have to just suck it up and face my fears.

"I'm gonna laugh"

I have a co-worker, one of the sweetest people on the planet, and she's always happy. I mean always. Another co-worker and I tried a few months ago to get her to frown (we weren't being mean to her, we were just telling her things like our goldfish died, or we lost $100, silly things to see if it would work) and we couldn't get her to frown, she always had an answer for everything and would laugh about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure if it was something serious like one of our mothers died she wouldn't laugh about it, again she is a sweetheart, she's just ALWAYS happy.

Honestly, I didn't really think about that again until last night at work. She works in the same room as I do and she came up to me and asked me to help her understand something. English isn't her first language, but it is her boyfriend's first language. Long story short, she needed to borrow his phone, it's an iPhone, and had never used one before so in the process of trying to slide around getting to where she could send a text message she accidentally came across a text he'd sent to an ex girlfriend. She wasn't trying to cause trouble, she just was curious what it said, and she should have been able to read it anyway, so she tapped on it to see what it said. Well, she read it, and apparently her boyfriend remembered about it then, took the phone, deleted all messages and handed it back to her. You can imagine that it wasn't something he should have been sending an ex girlfriend when he was dating someone else.

If it had been me, I would have reacted completely different than my friend did. I would have been mad, hurt, upset, and it would have ruined my day. (By the way...the help she needed was making sure she understood what the text message meant.) After we talked for a minute or two about it, we went back to work, and a little while later I had to check something near where she worked and I asked her if she was OK, and this is what she said.

"It hurts you know, it really does, but I'm gonna laugh."

Happiness isn't something that just happens to people. It's a choice we make. I have no doubt that when I walk into work today she'll be laughing like she always is. That doesn't mean she's not hurting, or that she won't cry about it, but she's choosing to be happy and not let it get in the way of her every day life. Most people are only happy when life is going well for them, it takes work to be happy even if life hurts. My friend goes beyond "looking on the bright side of life", she polishes the dull side, not an easy thing to do.

It was a challenge to me to be happier and not let things get me down so much. A challenge that shouldn't really even need to be a challenge because I have God in my life, so no matter what life is good. That's something I tend to forget when things don't go my way though, so I'm going to try and remember that all the time and take the attitude of my friend..."I'm gonna laugh".