I'm not entirely sure why, but quite a few of my friends come to me for advice on a regular basis. I don't mind, I'm more than happy to help them if I can, and sometimes I am able to learn things in the process as well.
One thing I've learned is that advice is a lot easier to give than it is to receive. Like I said, I'm more than willing to help a friend in need, but when it comes my turn to get advice...not so big on taking it. Another thing I've learned is that when you tell somebody the right thing to do...it's easier said than done.
I have a friend who, because of things in his past, is scared of being in a serious relationship with somebody. He was hurt very badly by somebody and now is afraid it might happen again. I can't blame him, having experienced similar hurt myself. He's asked me for advice, and really what do you say? It'll get better in time? Time's already passed and it's not helping. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and try again. And that's basically what I told him, sometimes you just have to face a fear head on and make yourself do something that could potentially hurt again, but could also help things get better. It's a risk. Life is a risk.
But I also have certain fears that I have trouble getting over. Things from my past make it difficult and scary sometimes to do certain things, or handle certain things. I could tell my friend all day long till I'm blue in the face to face his fear, but when it comes to me? Different story all together.
Unfortunately though, because I didn't face my fears this time, I ended up hurting somebody very dear to me in the process. The things you do in life don't just affect you, it ripples out to all sorts of other people. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not such a good thing. This...not such a good thing. Hopefully I can fix what went wrong, judging by things that were said this afternoon/evening I think there's a pretty good chance of that, but even still it'll take a while for things to get back to "normal".
Lesson of the day: just because something may not be easy to do doesn't mean I don't have to do it. I can't focus on myself and what I'm afraid of, sometimes I have to just suck it up and face my fears.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
"I'm gonna laugh"
I have a co-worker, one of the sweetest people on the planet, and she's always happy. I mean always. Another co-worker and I tried a few months ago to get her to frown (we weren't being mean to her, we were just telling her things like our goldfish died, or we lost $100, silly things to see if it would work) and we couldn't get her to frown, she always had an answer for everything and would laugh about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure if it was something serious like one of our mothers died she wouldn't laugh about it, again she is a sweetheart, she's just ALWAYS happy.
Honestly, I didn't really think about that again until last night at work. She works in the same room as I do and she came up to me and asked me to help her understand something. English isn't her first language, but it is her boyfriend's first language. Long story short, she needed to borrow his phone, it's an iPhone, and had never used one before so in the process of trying to slide around getting to where she could send a text message she accidentally came across a text he'd sent to an ex girlfriend. She wasn't trying to cause trouble, she just was curious what it said, and she should have been able to read it anyway, so she tapped on it to see what it said. Well, she read it, and apparently her boyfriend remembered about it then, took the phone, deleted all messages and handed it back to her. You can imagine that it wasn't something he should have been sending an ex girlfriend when he was dating someone else.
If it had been me, I would have reacted completely different than my friend did. I would have been mad, hurt, upset, and it would have ruined my day. (By the way...the help she needed was making sure she understood what the text message meant.) After we talked for a minute or two about it, we went back to work, and a little while later I had to check something near where she worked and I asked her if she was OK, and this is what she said.
"It hurts you know, it really does, but I'm gonna laugh."
Happiness isn't something that just happens to people. It's a choice we make. I have no doubt that when I walk into work today she'll be laughing like she always is. That doesn't mean she's not hurting, or that she won't cry about it, but she's choosing to be happy and not let it get in the way of her every day life. Most people are only happy when life is going well for them, it takes work to be happy even if life hurts. My friend goes beyond "looking on the bright side of life", she polishes the dull side, not an easy thing to do.
It was a challenge to me to be happier and not let things get me down so much. A challenge that shouldn't really even need to be a challenge because I have God in my life, so no matter what life is good. That's something I tend to forget when things don't go my way though, so I'm going to try and remember that all the time and take the attitude of my friend..."I'm gonna laugh".
Honestly, I didn't really think about that again until last night at work. She works in the same room as I do and she came up to me and asked me to help her understand something. English isn't her first language, but it is her boyfriend's first language. Long story short, she needed to borrow his phone, it's an iPhone, and had never used one before so in the process of trying to slide around getting to where she could send a text message she accidentally came across a text he'd sent to an ex girlfriend. She wasn't trying to cause trouble, she just was curious what it said, and she should have been able to read it anyway, so she tapped on it to see what it said. Well, she read it, and apparently her boyfriend remembered about it then, took the phone, deleted all messages and handed it back to her. You can imagine that it wasn't something he should have been sending an ex girlfriend when he was dating someone else.
If it had been me, I would have reacted completely different than my friend did. I would have been mad, hurt, upset, and it would have ruined my day. (By the way...the help she needed was making sure she understood what the text message meant.) After we talked for a minute or two about it, we went back to work, and a little while later I had to check something near where she worked and I asked her if she was OK, and this is what she said.
"It hurts you know, it really does, but I'm gonna laugh."
Happiness isn't something that just happens to people. It's a choice we make. I have no doubt that when I walk into work today she'll be laughing like she always is. That doesn't mean she's not hurting, or that she won't cry about it, but she's choosing to be happy and not let it get in the way of her every day life. Most people are only happy when life is going well for them, it takes work to be happy even if life hurts. My friend goes beyond "looking on the bright side of life", she polishes the dull side, not an easy thing to do.
It was a challenge to me to be happier and not let things get me down so much. A challenge that shouldn't really even need to be a challenge because I have God in my life, so no matter what life is good. That's something I tend to forget when things don't go my way though, so I'm going to try and remember that all the time and take the attitude of my friend..."I'm gonna laugh".
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